she is staring at me over our coffees.
“so.”
“so,” i repeat.
“i’m surprised,” she says, looking directly into my eyes, “i’m surprised you called.”
i slump down in my seat, feeling uncomfortable. “yeah…i don’t know. i just wanted to hang out…” my voice fades as I shift in my seat.
“it’s been like, a year since we last talked,” she states, her gaze unwavering.
“yup,” i nod curtly.
“why?” she prods.
“shit happens,” i reply weakly, shifting again.
she eyes me silently a whole minute longer, before she finally looks away.
i grip the coffee cup in my hand tightly, cursing myself for being unable to be honest. cursing myself for being so desperate to believe that inviting her out was a good idea. it was not a good idea. i want to puke.
“how’s lacrosse?” i ask, distracting myself from my thoughts. she whips her head to look at me.
“we’ve lost every game.”
i make a sympathetic face. “sorry.”
she shrugs and looks over at the table of girls behind me. “how are you?” she asks, still watching the girls.
“alive.”
she returns her gaze to me and smiles amusedly, flashing her teeth and all. “that’s good.”
i smile too, happy that i made her smile and feeling less uncomfortable, like things are normal between us.
“have you spoken to Kat recently?”
and then i feel nauseous again.
i shake my head ‘no’.
“same,” she replies sadly, “i feel bad.”
i sigh.
“you know, i’m here for you if you need me,” she states, her tone suddenly becoming stern and serious.
i nod my head and mumble ‘thanks’ in acknowledgement, causing the corners of her lips to turn upwards.
but i know i will never take up her offer. tonight is the only exception.
“good,” she says.
as we drink our coffee in silence, a girl from the table behind me calls out to us. soon my friend and the other girls are chatting and laughing. i watch on in silence.
she is just so…outgoing. and friendly. and kind-hearted. she makes friends with people wherever she goes, and i rot away in the background, admiring her.
then i push out my seat to stand up. “we should go.”
her smile falters when she turns to me. “okay…” she hesitates but stands up. “it was nice to meet you,” she calls over her shoulder to the girls as we walk out of the shop. the girls bid her goodbye.
when we get into my car, instead of blasting my playlist, i opt for the quiet music from the crickets and cicadas. i want to enjoy being with her while i have her to myself, because i won’t allow myself to be alone with her again.
Friday, 10 May 2013 10:59 PM
©VicRomero
Scribes Ink. 